days of nuwanda

Is life supposed to be fair?

I read this essay "Sorry--I just don't think every kid deserves a prize" on fairness in FamilyCircle magazine and really agreed w/ it. While it's cute for the entire 4 year old soccer team to all get trophies just for showing up and getting on the field, eventually those awards are meaningless when everyone gets one, both the kids that excel and those who don't. Imagine the value of the Olympic games if everyone got a gold medal! What would be the point???

While I commend trying and I see value in rewarding the effort itself, we shouldn't try to make everything fair and pretend that everyone is a winner. Life is not always fair, and as the author says here, "We are doing a disservice to our children...In our quest to make everything equal and everything fair, no one is special." Amen! I reward my kids when they put forth effort and I encourage them to try, but they aren't always going to win, and I want them to learn that it's that is just fine. Does losing really destroy self-esteem like we've been told it does? I don't think so. Failure--as kids and as adults--teaches us how to improve and should drive us to try something else. Losing gracefully is more valuable in real-life education than everyone winning a soccer trophy for minimal effort. No, life isn't just about winning, but it's not "unfair" to  celebrate winners.

Good food for thought!

Tragedy brings out the best in some people, the worst in others

Everyone knows Pat Robertson has a knack for controversial words surrounding world leaders and events, and apparently the earthquake in Haiti is no different. I don't watch his program, but I saw Donald Miller's post about Pat's response to the suffering in Haiti and wanted to share, to inform. It's frustrating that "conservative Christian leaders" like Pat represent all of Christianity to the world at large. I, for one, want it to be known that he does not represent me or my views! I second Miller's appropriate response to Haiti...Matthew 25:35 "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in...

The kids and I had a long conversation about the earthquake and what life would be like in those conditions. Jacob kept saying, "They could just dial 9-1-1" and I explained that if buildings were crumbled, that meant roads and bridges would be blocked, and emergency vehicles couldn't get thru...and on and on. I didn't want to scare my children, but wanted them to think about it. Jacob and Grace both prayed for "the earthquake people" at bedtime. Grace prayed, "Thank you, Jesus, for the survivors!"

It is a helpless feeling to be in the comfort of my own home--with electricity, running water, all the food we need, not to mention luxuries like tv and cable--and to pray for our brothers and sisters in Haiti who are just trying to get basic necessities and make it one more day. But our Heavenly Father knows all, sees all, and is there in Haiti, working in lives.

Finally something good in the news

...for a change (though the press would have you believe I am in a minority).

A little ranting, a lot of raving

Day 3 of being back to work, and all is normal. I actually enjoyed working Thursday and Friday, so I hope this trend continues. I just have one question….what on earth is going on at corporate?????

I’ve ranted here previously about a situation we had where I was asked to help out the HR department with a project and was afterwards scolded b/c I didn’t follow the HR department protocols…which of course I didn’t know about, since I am not an HR employee. I’m an administrative assistant for crying out loud. I work for 1 vice president, one director, and 16 managers. I am familiar w/ their projects b/c that is what I do. And believe me, they keep me plenty busy w/o adding in projects for other corporate departments. Cross-training would be fine, if it actually occurred. But walking blindly thru “land-mine” projects that blow up in your face when you try to contribute is another thing.

Today I got an email that really got under my skin. It’s the same scenario starting all over again. We AA’s are going to be “given” (I like the way they word these memos, as if it’s a GIFT for us to get a new project!) a new ongoing responsibility of handling contracts w/ certain groups. Ok, sounds good on the surface. I’m not against taking on new things or learning new things; it’s part of the AA life of never getting bored. Right? Wrong.

I opened the 34 page attachment that went into further detail, and it outlines what we are to be doing, but then they sneak in language such as, “the contract must not deviate from legal department standard contracts….if contract language is altered, it must be pre-approved by the legal department and certain managers with beaucoup signatures” and on and on. (I am really summarizing here—like I said, the thing is 34 pages long!)

So I ask you…..if this contract must meet corporate’s legal department standards, WHY DOESN’T THE LEGAL DEPARTMENT HANDLE IT???????? How on earth would I know what their standards are, let alone how to resolve issues when these standards are not being met? Come on. I work for a national healthcare company. They have healthcare facilities in at least half of the 50 states that I know of, and probably more. They employ thousands of people. They are a mega-company worth billions of dollars. They have a huge legal department. They must—they work w/ Medicare/Medicaid, so you know they have dozens of people working in legal to make sure we are meeting every standard in the book, or we lose our Medicare status, which no healthcare company can afford to do. So you tell me why on earth the AA’s of the regions (I think there are 8 of us total) should be responsible for a legal contract ever? 8 of us versus dozens of them who are trained in contracts and are familiar w/ the legal-ese. We are the peons. We get paid below the poverty line. We get no company training besides the friendly “how to get along at work and not discriminate” videos we watch every year. Granted, we are smart, but we are not qualified to handle legal contracts. We can learn, but you already have a department full of people qualified to do this. Why are you relinquishing your duties and giving them to peons who are already overloaded w/ work?

I’d like to talk to the higher up at corporate who devised this little plan. I’d like some assurance in writing that my job will NOT be in jeopardy when in 6 months it comes to the attention of the legal department that a contract I devised is illegal and void. Because I don’t know what the heck I’m doing, and I don’t want this responsibility. Because I know they will use it against me when it backfires. Because they’ve done it to me before.

Bah humbug!

I'll be glad to be away

...from work, that is, when I'm on leave. This week has been filled w/ work aggravataion. I mean, we all have that from time to time. Stuff happens, people are people, they get on your nerves, and things are done around you that cause you to question the sanity of pretty much everyone. This is life! But then you have some weeks when it rains aggravation, and your calm is tested over and over. This is the week I've had.

Occasionally I am asked to help do some HR projects b/c they are so swamped. Well, that's a lie. It's not just occasionally; I have permanently taken one major HR ongoing project and have been asked several times here lately to do additional things for them as well. I don't mind too much when I am not swamped w/ my own stuff, and it usually goes ok. (Althought sometimes I do wonder why a huge dept. like that is so swamped...hmmm.) So last week I was "pulled in" to help do a paperwork audit and follow-up on missing paperwork. I jumped right in quickly so I could get a lot done before my leave. I sent letters, made phone calls, made follow-up phone calls as I was asked to do.

Then this week I get this email from the head of HR down at corporate world, a nastry-gram saying that the letters and contact that I had made were "out of compliance" and how dare you, and I must stop immediately. Actually the email was not really directed to me--it was to my boss. Instead of contacting me to see about the situation, she yelled at my boss, and CC'd her boss, her boss's boss, the company president, and her mother's uncle's cousin's brother! You know the type of person....instead of just discussing it directly, they like to send emails to the WHOLE COMPANY that person A screwed up!

Well, as it turns out, what I had done was indeed out of compliance. I realize that now after having it explained to me, and will do what I can to fix the problem. However, I didn't screw up on purpose. I don't know anything about compliance. I'm not supposed to know anything about HR compliance. I don't work for HR. I am not an HR employee. I'm a measley little administrative assistant who was asked to help them out. I was given this to-do, I did it as asked, and now I'm being reprimanded. If HR needs things to be done a certain way for compliance, here's a suggestion......why doesn't HR just do it themselves????? Why would you pass it off to someone like me who doesn't know your compliance when you know it must be handled in a certain way? Why am I being held to a standard that I didn't even know about?

URGH.

Well my boss backed me up a little, kissing up to the HR lady as we all must do I guess, but making it clear that we weren't told about these issues. But I'm still left w/ resolving the issues and finishing the project. I have to undo some damage and make more phone calls and send more letters and deal w/ more irritated people who are sick of hearing from me over and over. Yes, it's my job. If my boss tells me to do it, it's my job and I am to respond w/ a spirit of humility and be the best measley little administrative assistant I can be. So I'm struggling to get my attitude right and just do my best. Lord, give me extra patience today as my spirit is tested!

My conversation w/ a lady at church yesterday

Lady: I was wondering if you are going to start potty training Jacob soon, before he turns 3.

Me: I already am, thank you.

Lady: *shocked* OH! Well, I noticed that he had on a diaper in the nursery today.

Me: Well, I'm not going to waste money on more expensive pull-ups until he is serious about potty training. And I know my son, and he isn't serious yet.

Lady: *still shocked* Well, you know me, I'm just being nosy.

Me: *fake smiling* Yes I do.

I'd like to say the nice little line "she meant well", but honestly I wasn't sure. She is my age, has 5 kids w/ one on the way, and granted she has a lot more experience w/ raising kids. But she isn't an expert on my son, and I was baffled that she assumed I had no clue. I think she was trying to offer me help or tips, but I made it pretty clear I didn't want any from her. First of all, it's none of her business what I'm doing w/ my child. She is not an interested party just b/c she works in the nursery every 2 months. And secondly, it's still none of her business!!! I mean, does she really think I'm trying to hold my son back? Or gee, did it just never occur to me that my son should eventually grow out of diapers? Hmmm. Thanks for trying to boost my mommy morale on mother's day!

Note: No persons were harmed in the re-enactment of this conversation.

Disclaimer to my readers

Part of the joy of blogs is reading other people's blogs and learning about the wonderful human experience, albeit anonymously. I spend some quality time every day browsing thru blogs. Sometimes I'm disgusted; sometimes I laugh; but all the time I am informed and I appreciate that individuals have their opinions and I have mine, and that's the way it works. I should not be offended by someone expressing their ideas. After all, it is THEIR blog; no one is forcing me to read it.

I came across a couple Christian blogs, women like myself who are educated, opinionated and participating in this struggle called "the Christian life", and I was sad to read that friends and family had been using their blogs against them. I don't know if these family/friends were believers or not, but either way it's a sad statement. Yes, blogs are public and can serve to encourage and minister to others. We should view everything in life as a potential ministry. But having an arena to express ideas, opinions, and get on our soapboxes should be a positive thing, not something that is used to ridicule.

So to my readers: I promise to never purpusefully offend you. You'll notice that even if I'm ranting, I don't mention names (other than politicians or public figures) or specific groups. I speak in generalities. Yes, I openly admit to being very opinionated, and I won't shy away from controversial topics. I'm an individual, and I intend to continue being who I am, in my blog and in real life. So if you don't like some stuff on my blog, then just dismiss it. After all, it's just my opinion, and we are all entitled to our opinions....right up there with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness!

Happy blogging!

Spooky Debate

Don’t tell anyone, but my family will be celebrating Halloween this year. And by celebrating I mean dressing up my son in a costume (an adorable firefighter this year) and going door to door trick-or-treating. I don’t mean dressing up in the scariest, most evil costume you can find; nor do I mean drinking blood with vampires or recreating a scene from one of those awful horror flicks. I simply mean putting on a costume and accepting candy from friends and neighbors. And I know this is controversial, in my area of the Midwest and abroad. I’m a little leery of addressing this, but it’s my blog, my opinion, and I just have to get this off my chest.

Growing up I never knew Halloween was such a controversial issue. And trust me--I have had my share of controversial issues in my life. I grew up in an extremely conservative Christian home (which I’m not condemning by any means). Women weren’t allowed to wear pants, and their skirts had to be below the knee. We couldn’t listen to rock music or watch much television. We went to private Christian schools and got demerits for ungodly behavior. So I know what I’m talking about when it comes to spiritual convictions and being ultra-conservative. But even with all these restrictions, our family still celebrated Halloween. How is that possible?

Somehow, like the controversy about Smurfs back when I was eight years old [“Smurfs are satanic!”], my parents never bought into the Halloween scare. We went trick-or-treating every year and had a ball. Most years my sister and I were princesses and fought over the one and only red princess gown and Mom’s high heels and those gorgeous dangle CZ earrings. One year I was a football player. The last year I went trick-or-treating, Shelly and I went out as twin punks [keep in mind this was the 80’s…haha] with our hair crimped and spiked up. It was awesome!

The Halloween debate within Christendom was introduced to me in Jr. High School. One influential lady in our circle of church friends believed absolutely that it was a night when the wicked in the world celebrated Satan. She told us stories about Satanists seeking victims for human sacrifices on this most unholy day. She even told us about the “real meaning” of jack-o-lanterns and how they were associated with evil spirits. And it wasn’t that I thought she was purposely lying to us, b/c she was very sincere, but I wasn’t convinced that dressing up in costumes was evil, EVEN IF her information was correct.

And now that I’m an adult I’ve been hit with all the same information opposed to Halloween, repackaged and revisited. And I won’t criticize those who are strongly against Halloween; we are each entitled to our opinions and our convictions. But I will try to educate…..not b/c I hold dearly to silly holidays, but b/c the truth should be taught. Not scare tactics, not propaganda, just the truth.

The truth is that Halloween, like most holidays, began as a pagan holiday. Pagan does not mean Satanic in the literal sense of worshipping Satan. It does mean apart from God or religion, and so if you believe that anything apart from God is Satanic, then yes, Halloween is Satanic…and so is Christmas ….you see where I’m going here. Nearly all human celebrations began in the “secular” realm (if you believe there is a separation between the secular and spiritual). Halloween was celebrating the end of summer and harvest, and eventually was morphed into a spiritual holiday that celebrated Saints who had gone before us in death (November 1st is All Saint’s Day, in case you didn’t know, and Halloween was the “hallowed eve” before All Saint’s Day.) There has never been any documented connection between Satan worship and Halloween. Do people do bad things on Halloween? Yes. Are Satanic activities scary and worth avoiding? Yes. But we shouldn’t make up these connections just to scare people. We shouldn’t try to manipulate facts with “spiritualized fiction” and convince people that having a little fun is somehow in support of Satan worship.

Apostle Paul wrote that believers should “abstain from all appearance of evil.” (1 Thessalonians 5:22) He also wrote that meat offered to idols was not “bad” merely by virtue of being offered to idols. He said it was just meat, and eating it was not wrong. Now Paul wasn’t advocating for Halloween, but he was teaching a concept….that some things are not inherently BAD. That it’s what you do with it that makes it good or bad. And this is the position I have taken. Halloween is just another day on the calendar, so it becomes whatever you make of it. If I participate in evil activities on Halloween or any other day, then it becomes a day of dishonoring God. Or if I have a good, safe time and celebrate life on days like Halloween or Thanksgiving, that day becomes a day of honoring God and having fellowship.

And no, I’m not bashing anyone or their opinions. Paul also taught that we are to defer to our brothers and sisters in Christ, that we should not “become a stumbling block to the weak..” (1 Corinthians 8:9) So on that note, I do not publicize my Halloween activities. I don’t mention it in church circles. I don’t ask other church parents what costumes they made this year. I just let it be. Because I know it’s a touchy subject. And I try not to judge. After all, we are each on our own individual spiritual journey, and I can’t possibly know where God is leading anyone else.

Nor will I live “in shame.” We just go on about our lives, and have fun taking Boo out in his costume, and capturing loads of Kodak moments. For our family, it is a human celebration of autumn, friendship, creativity and above all fun. Fun is good.

For more reading on the history of holidays, read this pastor’s web site. Okay the graphics are cheesy and I'm against music on ALL websites, but I believe he has done his homework on this, and you may be surprised by what he’s turned up. Also check out the history of Reformation Day (October 31, 1517) and All Saint’s Day (November 1st). Many people celebrate these days too, which is a good alternative if you’re looking for alternatives. Although I do have to agree with this blogger….calling it a Harvest Party is almost comical. It is what it is…